how to feel
  how to live with it
  to pet the dog
  before giving her up to a stranger
  and not to wash her smell from my hands
  to lock the chinchilla in her cage
  listen to the goldfinch singing
  leave them food knowing
  they won’t survive
  how to pay the mortgage
  for the apartment with three balconies
  the glass of which is now scattered all over the carpet
  how to hug you
  clamping hands on your back
  like you’ll clamp the bulletproof vest
  teach me to answer
  with the words “there’s no war”
  to my sister’s message that their basement’s flooded
  and they sleep behind the wall all over the mattress
  to my friend’s child crying
  because he doesn’t want to go to the bomb shelter
  teach me to feel pride for the murderers
  disbelief of my own eyes
  hatred toward my country
  which is so gentle that I want to shield each building
  with my own body
  each painting by Primachenko
  nobody ever told me how to live through it
  each person driven from their home
  to learn
  to live with it




  February 28, 2022